Lucy
by IHeartAaronHotchner
Summary: Part of the Criminal Minds: Inside Profile Serie  fka CriMi Tangent  Flash back focused on Sean Hotchner and Adrienne Eliso, as they deal with the loss of their first child.    Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds., That would be hella awesome.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey Lucy, I remember your name  
I left a dozen roses on your grave today  
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away  
I just came to talk for a while, got some things I need to say_

"I thought I'd find out here. Did you tell them?"

Sean looked up from the ground where he was sitting. "I was about to."

Adrienne knelt down next to him.

They stared in silence at the two headstones.

John Edward Hotchner

February 16,1940- June 8, 1987

Beloved Father and Husband

Lucy Marie Hotchner

September 2, 2008-September 4, 2008

"Hey Dad. Hi Lucy." Sean said holding back tears. "Ade…"

"I know, baby. It's okay." She said embracing him, fighting her own tears.

_Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her  
I'd give up all the world to see  
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me  
_

_January 1, 2008_

"Baby, stop it," she said, trying to wiggle away from him. "Sean, stop. I think I'm gonna be sick again."

Sean groaned slightly. "Ade, it's called a hangover. How many of them have you had? You'll be fine. You just drank a little too much last night."

"I've been like this for a week, Sean, and I barely had anything to drink." She rolled over picked the dressing robe up from the floor, and wrapped it around herself. "I'm going to the bathroom," she said as she climbed out of the bed.

Sean propped himself up on one arm, watching her walk across the room. "Ade, there's nothing wrong with you. You're fine"

She turned around, tying the robe. "Well, we'll know in about five minutes."

Sean lay back down and waited. It felt like an eternity. He looked over at the clock and saw almost fifteen minutes had passed. He rolled over, got up, and walked across the room to the bathroom door. "Babe, you okay in there?" _No answer. _"Ade…" _Nothing. _"Ade, I'm coming in there." He opened the door to see Adrienne standing over the sink, crying. "Baby, what's wrong?" He walked up behind her and kissed her hair. "Everything's okay, baby." He looked down at the counter and saw it sitting there. _The goddamn stick turned blue_. "Ade…" he said gently turning her face to look at him, "am I? Are you? We're..?"

She looked at him and nodded smiling through her tears. "We're having a baby."

"We're having a baby," he repeated, in shock.

"Yeah, Sean."

"We're having baby….I'm gonna be a dad!" He picked her up and spun her around. "I'm gonna be a dad!" He looked down and kissed her. "We're having a baby. Wait, Ade I've already got perfect names picked out. Lucy and Jude."

"Lucy and Jude?" She smiled at the thought. "I should have figured. I love them!"

"I gotta call Aaron… he'll… well, I dunno what he'll do, but I gotta tell him," Sean said, excited, exiting the bathroom. "I'm gonna be a dad!"

Adrienne exited the bathroom and found Sean on the bed with the phone on speaker.

"Aaron! I'm gonna be a dad! Ade's pregnant! I'm gonna be a dad!"

"Congratulations, Sean. You'll be an excellent dad."

"If it's a girl we're gonna call her Lucy. If it's boy we're gonna call him Jude."

"Nice, Sean, The Beatles."

"I know. Bro, I think I'm more excited about it than she is."

Adrienne sat on the bed and wrapped her arms around Sean. "I think you are, too. Hi, Aaron!"


	2. Chapter 2

_Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her  
I've gotta live with the choices I made  
And I can't live with myself today_

_April 17, 2008_

"So are you meeting me there or are we goin' together or am I goin' by myself?" Adrienne asked from the bathroom.

"Where?" Sean asked poking his head in the doorway.

Adrienne sighed and set down the curling iron. "The doctor… today we find out if we have a Lucy or a Jude… don't tell me you forgot."

"No. No, 'course I didn't. I'll meet you there. Twelve thirty, right?" He crouched down to her abdomen. "You hear that in there. Mommy and Daddy get to find out who you are today." He said then kissed the baby bump and stood up. "Maybe afterwards we could go for a walk in the park, hmm? Whaddya say, Momma?" Sean asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"I think. I'd like that a lot." She smiled. "But I gotta finish getting ready. I do still have to show up at the office this morning."

"What do you really have to get ready for? You're beautiful." Sean said as he kissed her.

"Yeah, and five months from now when I'm sitting in a hospital bed screaming that I hate you, are you gonna be saying the same thing?"

_Downtown Women's OBGYN_

_12:25 pm_

Adrienne stood outside the building on the corner of Broadway and Prince Street, staring at her watch. "Where the hell are you? God your fuckin' hair can wait."

Sean came running around the corner. "Ade… Ade, I'm here. See told you I'd make it," he said as he kissed her cheek.

"What, your hair that damn important? My appointment is in less than five minutes, you should have been here awhi—"

"I know. I'm sorry, the subway—"

"Don't care, come on, we got someone to meet." Adrienne said, placing a hand over her baby bump.

Adrienne and Sean exited the elevator that led into the OBGYN office

"Adrienne! Cate's waiting for you. I'll let her know you're here," said the receptionist.

"Thanks, Liz."

"The door that lead from the waiting area to the exam area swung open. "Ade! I see you brought Sean along this time. Well, this a big deal today isn't it? Come on, let's go check you out. Find out if we got ourselves a little fashion diva or the next Broadway Joe in there."

"Cate, you're nuts, you know that?" said as they followed her through the door.

Sean bent down and whispered in Adrienne's ear. "Isn't kind of odd to have one of your best friends checking you out like that?"

"Actually, no."

Cate took Sean and Adrienne to one the exam rooms. "So how have you been feeling? Besides the normal morning sickness. No pains, No bleeding?"

"No. I've been pretty healthy, Sean takes good care of me, believe it or not," Adrienne said, looking over at him with a smile.

"And you, Dad, how are you holding up?"

"Cate, I couldn't be happier. I mean, I'm gonna be a dad, and I know he'll be one hell of a cute kid, and he's gonna be riding dirt bikes and throw perfect passes before he's five."

"Well, Cate, as you can tell, Sean thinks we're having a boy."

"Well let's find out… Ade you know the drill. I need your belly." Cate said, as she turned on the ultrasound machine and prepped everything.

Adrienne laid back on the table and lifted her shirt exposing the baby bump. She winced a little as Cate squirted the jelly on her abdomen.

"Okay," Cate said moving the wand around Adrienne's stomach. "Here's the baby's head. Two arms, two hands, there's Baby's heart, nice and strong. Let's move over here and see, two legs, feet, and Sean, say hello to your daughter." She pushed a couple buttons and the screen froze.

"My..my..my daughter?"

"Yep. You guys got yourselves a little girl."

Sean kept staring at the screen, amazed. "That's my daughter?" He looked back down at Adrienne's baby bump. "Hey, Lucy. It's Daddy. I can't wait to you see you. You're gonna be gorgeous, like your mom."

After the appointment Adrienne and Sean left the office, and exited back out on to the sidewalk.

"A girl! Sean we're having a girl! Shopping… We need to go shopping. We gotta start decorating the nursery and she needs clothes and… Sean, what's with the idiot grin?"

"I love you, you're so darn cute right now. You look like a kid in a candy story. We'll go shopping, now. Okay? We'll buy everything. Everything she could ever want or need." Sean said as he kissed her. "C'mon we can catch the train back to Harold's Square."


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday  
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name  
I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance  
But all I got are these roses to give  
And they can't help me make amends_

_September 2, 2008_

"Sean, I'm so tired. She's been doing somersaults in there all night. I feel like crap. And now you're gonna make me go on a road trip?"

Sean peered out from the back of the SUV. "Ade, it's about a six hour drive to Virginia, You can sleep the whole way down."

"Oh yeah, sure, after I spend the first hour and a half puking my guts out. Then having to pee every twenty minutes after that. Yeah, I'll get a ton sleep, Sean."

Sean finished packing the trunk of the car and closed the door. "Ade, you'll be fine. She'll calm down, and you can sleep. She can't stay up forever."

"Yeah," she said getting into the passenger side of the SUV, "I wish it didn't hurt so much when she is."

"Well I hope she's up when we get there. Aaron and Haley say Jack hasn't stopped asking about the baby. Did you go pee before we leave? I don't wanna have to stop within twenty minutes of getting outta Manhattan."

"Yes Dad, I went to the bathroom, and I washed my hands too." Adrienne said in a mocking tone as she buckled her seatbelt.

_Five hours later_

"Sean, are we almost there?" Adrienne moaned.

"Do you have to pee or throw up?"

"Neither. I want to lie down. I know Aaron and Haley want to visit with us, but I just really want to lie down. I'm tired and my legs hurt from being in this position."

Sean grabbed Adrienne's hand and kissed the top of it. "I know. Should really only be about another half hour or so. You know you're gonna get flooded with questions. I mean, Jack's only two going on three, but he's ridiculously smart.

_Quantico, Virginia_

_3:00 pm_

Sean and Adrienne pulled into the driveway of the plantation style home and began getting out of the car. Neither of them had noticed the blonde toddler staring through the front window when they arrived. The front door of the house opened and out ran the youngster. "Uncwle Sean! Uncwle Sean!" he screamed as he ran towards the driveway.

"Hey, little dude! Come here give Uncle Sean a big monster hug!" He picked up the child and embraced him. You gonna say hi to Aunt Ade?"

"Hi!" said the excited toddler. He began to look around frantically.

"Jack, what are you looking for?" Adrienne asked.

"The baby."

"The baby's in my belly."

"Why?"

"Because…because…"

"Because that's where the baby's gotta stay before she's big enough to come out. Jack, why don't you let your aunt and uncle get their things and then you can ask as many questions as you want," said Aaron Hotchner. "Now go run back inside with your mom." He looked up at Adrienne and Sean. "Glad you guys could make it. How you feeling, Ade?"

"Tired, sick. My back and my legs are killing me. And I swear, this one is doing karate in there."

"Well let's get you in the house, and settled and then Sean and I will finish unpacking the car."

"How 'bout not."

"Babe, what are you talking about?" Sean asked puzzled

"I think…." She winced in pain. "I think Lucy wants out. Now."

"Like Now… right now?" Sean panicked. "No, babe, you still have almost a whole month. She can't be comin' now…"

"Sean… she wants out… now."

"Closest hospital is Potomac Medical. You remember how to get there, Sean?" Aaron asked.

Sean nodded.

"Okay well you guys go on ahead and I'll gather Haley and Jack Good luck guys."

"Thanks Aaron.C'mon baby, let's get you to where we gotta go…" Sean said helping Adrienne back into the car.

"Sean, hurry up before I give birth in the car!"


	4. Chapter 4

_Here we are, now you're in my arms  
I never wanted anything so bad  
Here we are for a brand new start  
Living the life that we could've had_

_3:30 pm_

"Ade, c'mon, baby we're here… it's okay. I know. Breathe, baby." Everybody move! Lady with a baby coming through!" Sean yelled as he ushered Adrienne in through the Emergency room doors. "Seriously! Lady with a baby! She's in labor!"

"Sean! Shut up! You're not helping the situation!" Adrienne yelled back. Her face suddenly had a look of pain. She dug her nails into Sean's arm, squeezed hard, and groaned. He looked at her in pain and shock. "Contraction," she stated matter-of-factly, "I am giving birth to _your_ daughter."

"Doesn't mean you gotta squeeze the hell outta my arm!"

"Shut up! This is your fault!"

A nurse appeared with a wheelchair, hearing the last part if their conversation and started to laugh. "I told my husband the same thing. Sweetheart, my name Laura. Take a seat here. We're gonna get you back to Maternity. We'll get all your info there. Who's your OB?"

Adrienne sat in the wheelchair and groaned in pain. "Cate Germaine. Downtown Women's OBGYN. New York City."

"New York? Okay.. We have a very good OBGYN on staff here, Dr. Lesick… Dad, you think you'll be able to fill out some paper work and answer questions?" Laura asked.

"Yeah, yeah sure." Sean said as he followed along side the wheelchair.

_6:30 pm_

Dr. Lesick reappeared in the room for the third time in as many hours. "Adrienne, how are you feeling?"

"Just as crappy as I did last time when you asked."

"Okay, well I wanna take a look and see how far along you are," he said grabbing a pair of gloves and sitting at the foot of the bed. He examined her really quick and stood up."We're at about five and half six centimeters. So you're progressing pretty good. I'll be back again in about two hours to check on you." He said and exited the room.

Adrienne watched as he left. "I don't like him," she said to Sean. "I want Cate."

"Babe, I know, but Cate's five and half hours away."

"I don't care! She's my doctor! I want MY doctor! Did they even call her? How come you didn't call her? Where's my computer I bet I can get her up on Video Conference or something…"

"Hey… Hey, Ade, calm down. It's not good for Lucy."

"Uncwle Sean! Uncwle Sean! The baby here?" In ran Jack Hotchner.

"Hey buddy!" Sean bent down and picked up the toddler. "Not yet. She's still in Aunt Ade's belly." He looked past the blonde toddler in his arms at Aaron and Haley Hotchner. "Hey, guys, glad you all could make it. Sorry to have ruined your party. But, this little girl is like her mother, has to make a dramatic entrance." He looked back at Ade and smiled.

"Shut up Sean… If I could get out this bed, I'd beat you." Adrienne snapped.

_9:00 pm_

"Adrienne, you're at ten centimeters. You're gonna have to start pushing," said Dr. Lesick looking up from the end of the bed.

"Doc, I'm so tired…. I don't think I can." Adrienne moaned.

"Hey babe, you can do this. Okay? I know you can. You are the strongest woman I know," Sean said taking her hand.

Laura, the nurse, stood on the opposite side of the bed. "Adrienne with this next contraction, you need to push."

"I can't!" she cried.

"Adrienne, you need to push this baby out. Okay, big deep breath… and push, Adrienne… and stop. Breathe." Laura coached.

"Baby, you can do this. You can do this," Sean said gripping her hand.

"No, I can't! I can't!" whined Adrienne.

"Adrienne, you gotta push again….Ready… and push…. That's it and breathe." said Laura.

"Baby's crowning," announced Dr. Lesick..

"Ade, she's almost here. You're doing so good, baby."

"Shut up Sean! I hate you right now! I fucking hate you! It's your fault I'm in this mess!"

Alarms began to go off.

"Adrienne, you need to calm down." Laura said. "You're not only stressing yourself but you're stressing the baby. Breathe. Here comes another contraction. Push Adrienne! Good! Here one more! Push hard! She's here!

"We've got a double cord. I need to cut now!" stated Dr. Lesick.

"She's not crying… Why isn't she crying?" Adrienne panicked as she watched them carrying the baby away. "Wait, where are you taking? Sean, where are they going with her?"

"Doc… where are you takin—" Sean began to ask.

"The umbilical cord is wrapped around your daughter's neck twice. It's cutting off airflow and circulation. We're getting the cord off and we're gonna see if she'll breathe on her own or if we'll have to intubate. We're gonna take her down to the NICU."

"Doc… when can I hold her? When can Ade hold her?"

"I don't know yet. We'll keep you informed. For now it's best you and her get some rest." Dr. Lesick said as he exited the room.

Sean returned to Adrienne's bedside to see her sobbing. "Hey, hey now. She's gonna be okay. She'll fight. She's a Hotchner." He kissed the top pf her head, trying to hide the fact that he was also crying. "It's gonna be alright, baby. You rest." He cradled her head. "Shhh. It's gonna be alright…. It's gonna. be…" He finally broke and cried with her until she fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

_Me and Lucy walking hand in hand  
Me and Lucy never wanna end  
Just another moment in your eyes  
I'll see you in another life in Heaven  
Where we never say goodbye_

_September 3, 2008_

Sean slept at Adrienne's side, chair pulled up to edge of the bed, head on her chest, the fingers of his left hand intertwined with those of her right, her left arm draped over his shoulders.

"Sean…." He felt a hand on his back. He looked up to see his sister-in-law Haley standing in front of him with a cup of coffee. "Here…" she said handing it to him.

"Thanks… Hey, you guys stayed all night?"

"Yeah, we stayed for you and Ade, and for Lucy. The doctor didn't want to disturb you, but you can go see her. She's so tiny," Haley said.

"Yeah.. Yeah, let me wake Ade and we'll go together. She's okay, right? I mean we can take her home in a few days, right?"

"Sean… I… I don't know. You'll have to ask the doctors."

Sean nodded, and looked back over at Adrienne. "Hey babe, wake up. You wanna go see daughter?"

"Hmm?" Adrienne asked sleepily. "Yeah. We're allowed to? Of course I do

_Neonatal ICU_

Adrienne sat in the chair next to the incubator, reaching in to touch her daughter's tiny hand. "Can I hold her?" she asked the nurse.

"I don't know if that's possible. You'll have to speak with Doctor Willison."

"So we can't even hold our own goddamn daughter?" Sean snapped. "Where's this doctor? I wanna talk to him now. Don't say that we can be with our daughter, and then we can't hold her! What's going on here?"

"Sir, calm down please. I'll page him right now."

"Thank You," Sean replied. "See baby, we'll talk to the doctor, and then everything we'll be fine and you can hold her."

After a few minutes, Dr. Willison had come in. "Mr. and Mrs. Hotchner, I've been meaning to speak with you about your daughter. May we talk in private?"

"Yeah, sure," Sean said.

The three of them left the NICU and returned to the hospital room Adrienne had been in.

"Doc, is something wrong with Lucy?" Sean asked.

Dr Willison sighed. "You may want to think about making… arrangements."

"Arrangements?" Adrienne yelled. "Whaddya mean 'arrangements'?"

"Baby, calm down," Sean said rubbing Adrienne's shoulder. "Doc, are you saying… that Lucy doesn't have a chance in hell of coming home with us?"

"Her chances of getting off the life support and living a happy, healthy, normal life, are slim to none."

"I carried that little girl for the last 34 and a half weeks and now you're telling me I'm never gonna hold her! Get the hell out of my room! Now! Get out!" Adrienne yelled at the doctor.

Doctor Willison began to leave the room. Sean followed him. "Doc, tell me straight. The only way Lucy's gonna make it is on that machine, isn't it?"

"Yes."

Sean began to fight back tears. "Can…can Ade and I hold her? Just once?"

"You can hold her. Mr. Hotchner, I…"

"Just let Ade hold for a little bit. Let us tell her that we love her, then you can turn the damn machine off."

"Mr. Hotchner, are you for sure…."

" I said you can turn the machine off after."


	6. Chapter 6

_Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her  
I'd give up all the world to see  
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me_

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her  
I've gotta live with the choices I made  
And I can't live with myself today

  
"Babe, are you ready to tell them everything?" Adrienne asked Sean as they sat together in the cemetery.

Sea nodded. "Yeah, about as ready as I'm gonna be." He sighed and stared at he dozen roses clutched in his hand. "Dad, Lucy…. We're getting married… finally." He looked over at Adrienne, placed a hand on her baby bump and smiled. "And we're having another baby, a boy. Lucy, you're gonna have a brother, Jude."

Adrienne laid her head on shoulder. "Jude Edward Hotchner."

"Jude Edward…" Sean nodded, pleased with the sound of it. He reached over and laid the roses in between the two headstones and stood up, then reaching down to help Adrienne. "Now that I've gotten through the hard part, telling everyone else will be easy… Jude Edward, huh?

"Yeah, think he likes it, too," She stated, placing a hand on her stomach. "He's kickin' up a storm."

"Well, while he's awake, we should head over to Aaron's so Jack can meet him."

"He would love that." She kissed him and held his hand and they began walking from the gavesite.

_Hey Lucy, I remember your name_


End file.
